Apologies & Forgiveness: Part 2

Forgiveness

Matthew 6:14-15

Jesus said, 14. "For if your forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

If you revisit part one of this blog you will see where it states that we are to love one another as we love ourselves (Mark 12:31). I spoke of how if someone has done us wrong, we would want an apology and vice versa, if we have wronged someone then we, too, should also apologize. Well guess what?! The same goes for forgiveness!

Sometimes forgiving others can be just as difficult as apologizing when we have been wrong. It can especially be hard if the same thing keeps happening over and over and OVER again. You may even be asking right now "when is enough, enough?" "If it keeps happening, can I stop forgiving? I say NO!

In Matthew 18, Peter asks Jesus, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" And Jesus answered, "I tell you , not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

Jesus also said in Luke 17:3-4, 3."If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying 'I repent.' you MUST forgive them."

Now notice in verse three, Jesus said to rebuke them who sin against you, meaning that you have the right not to be a doormat for someone to sin against you, hurt you or abuse you. But, He also said that if they ask for forgiveness, you must forgive them.

You may be wondering what it means to truly forgive someone. To forgive according to the Oxford English Dictionary, means to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt. It is also the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of perceived offenses, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.

What forgiveness doesn't mean is to say "Ok, I forgive." and next week remind that person of the time they… I know you know what I'm talking about. Forgiveness doesn't mean to have conditions either. The way I see it either your choose to forgive or you don't. There is no "I forgive you, but you have to…" or "The only way I will forgive you is  if you…" Either you do or you don't. Simple.

Some say "forgive and forget." I say forgive and remember! Not remember the person and their offense, but the lessons learned from the situation. No one deserves, after apologizing, to have an offense held over their heads. After all, you wouldn't want that for you… However, you should remember what you learned so that you may guard yourself against these things happening to you continually.

Also keep in mind that forgiveness is not about the other person. Forgiveness is for you. When you forgive someone, not only do you allow God to forgive you, but you also free yourself from any hurt, anger, resentment and any other baggage that you may be carrying through life. Let it go! And know, too, that you don't have to wait for an apology to forgive.

There is no greater sacrifice than the sacrifice that Jesus made by dying on the cross so that, no matter how unworthy we are, our sins would be forgiven. So who are we that we shouldn't forgive our brothers and sisters? Go Ahead. I dare you. Forgive them and BE FREE!

With Love Always,

JC

Apologies & Forgiveness: Part 1

Apologies

If you are like me, you have been wrong many times… I mean MANY times. You would also know that one of the most difficult things about being wrong is admitted that you were. Also, if you are like me, you've felt (at times) that even when you were wrong, your thoughts, words and even actions were totally justified. Ha silly me (and if you're like me then silly you too)! 

The Bible says in Mark 12:30-31 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater."

I think we all have heard of the Golden Rule :"Treat others the way you want to be treated." We were constantly reminded of this when we were in elementary school when it came to pushing, shoving and being out of turn. Well the Bible say this too in verse 31. "Love your neighbor as yourself." I know that if I were wronged by someone, I would want an apology which also means that if I have done someone wrong, I should apologize too. 

So here's another one for you… James 5:16 says "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayers of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

An apology is a regretful acknowledgement of an offense or failure. It also means asking pardon for a fault or offense. This takes us back to what the previous verse said: "confess your sins…"

In order to apologize properly you first have to acknowledge and admit to your wrong doings. There are no if's, and's or buts about it!  Clearly state what you are apologizing for.

Then you need to take full responsibility for your actions. Your apology is about what YOU did, not what the other person did to trigger you - remember no one can make you do anything. There are no excuses! 

Be sincere. Don't apologize because someone is "making" you. Do it because you were wrong and want to be forgiven. Imagine how you'd feel if someone treated you in the same way you have acted.

Apologize face to face. Making eye contact conveys sincerity versus a phone call, text, email or voicemail. Writing it down first is a good way to get your thoughts out and remember what you want to say. It can also help if your apology is a difficult one.

Ask the person who has been offended if there is anything (within reason) that you can do to make up for your offense.

Ask for forgiveness and express your appreciation to them for hearing you out.

Honor your word and last, but certainly not least, pray!

Please understand that sometimes the person to whom you are apologizing may not be willing to forgive you (at least not in that moment). Although, we wish for forgiveness, its ok. You have done your part and the next step is on them.

I know that apologizing can be a difficult thing but I urge you to make things right. Such a great burden is lifted when you are able to clear your conscience. So go ahead. I dare you. BE FREE!

With Love Always,

JC